Dear Diary: Marital Episode
After dinner, as I was ironing the napkins — not my favorite job, but somebody’s got to do it — and watching “Music to Die For,” the second episode of the second season of Lewis, the great successor to Morse — my dear Kathleen, her back to the screen, her attention ostensibly fixed on the purchase of baby clothes for the little one, blurted out, “She’s the murderer.” I thanked her very much for reminding me, you may be sure. (All I remembered was that the fantastic Cheryl Campbell has a part — I even forgot that she was playing a German!) What was worse, deeply disingenuous Kathleen immediately claimed that she might have been mistaken. Don’t say, “Oh, I’m sorry for spoiling your suspense!” Say, “Maybe I was wrong.”
Like bloody hell — and at least I didn’t fall for it. Kathleen is always right about whodunits — she never forgets. She knows whodunit even when she hasn’t seen the movie before; there’s a Hollywood job in there somewhere. (Fool Kathleen and they make you change the ending, because nobody will find it plausible.) When her gross lie was revealed at the end, and I told her what a horrible person she is, not only for giving away endings but for trying to cover up her indiscretions, she ran through her repertoire of adorable gargoyle faces, and I had no choice but to forgive her. It’s hard not to love a basilisk who thinks she’s a comedian.
We will draw a veil over her claim that I used to be even worse….