¶ Matins: “No sex please; we’re not finished with the story: Joe Jervis of Butterfield, New York, attributes his longevity to virginity. He’s 105 today.”

— What? Oh! Sorry!

¶ Tierce: Looking into my crystal ball, I foresee a wave of circumspect austerity sweeping the affluent areas of the world (or what’s left of them) in the coming years, as the costs of energy and food are moralized into a kind of green vegetarianism. Here’s how it starts: “Pint-Size Eco-Police, Making Parents Proud and Sometimes Crazy,” by Linda Foderaro.

Bon weekend à tous!

Oremus…

§ Matins. That was last night’s story! In fact, Joe is only 49, and he attributes his virginity to the influence of Sheherazade, a beloved baby-sitter. (And you thought she only kept it up for 1001 nights!)

Happy Birthday, Joe!

§ Tierce. As someone who leaves the lights on all the time and eats three steaks a day, am I relieved that I’ll be dead before the new puritanism takes hold? Right now, maybe. Ask me again when and if grandchildren make their appearance.

Drop me a line at rjk@dailyblague.com
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