Exercice de Style: Double Preterite
The other day, Father Tony wrote, of some opulently nouveaux villas in Forest Hills,
(It’s the sort of thing many of my relatives would have been proud to have built.)
It emerged in subsequent correspondence that Father T meant exactly what he said, and that the second preterite expressed part of his thought. His (dead) relatives would have loved to have built such houses. There is no faulting his grammar, which, in fact, is not what I’d meant to do, anyway.
But…
I had read the entry late at night, in one of those “just one more story, please” moods. In the days when I lived on potato chips and martinis, those moods could get me into a lot of trouble, sitting right at my desk in the blue room. Those days are over, but I still write the somewhat unnecessary letter in the wee hours. My quibble with Father Tony was stylistic, not grammatical. I happen to hate the double preterite, which in ninety-nine cases out of a hundred is not justifiable. It’s insurance, overkill. “In case I didn’t say it right the first time, I’ll say it again.” As a result, it’s one of those leaden turns of phrase that, to my ear, sounds wrong even when it isn’t.
A bit of rethink usually solves the problem. Here’s what I’d have written:
(It’s the sort of thing that many of my relatives would have loved to show off.)
You’ll notice that, as so often happens, the rethink — the simple attempt to avoid a spongy construction — has added a thought, and at no extra verbiage. You can tell from the picture that accompanies Father Tony’s entry that some kind of ostentation would have been at work if his (dead) relatives had built something like the house in the photo. Now you can tell it from the sentence, as well. Father Tony’s dear departed wouldn’t have been happy to have built a show house, period; they’d have wanted plenty beaucoup people to see it. And, of course, you can’t show off a house that you have not built. In my version, “proud to have built” is outed: it’s “loved to show off.”
Father Tony wrote, “Thanks for the note. You should have done it as a comment. People love to get drawn into a good grammar knot.” But that’s not my style, either.